Camping with the Absurd Intent of Enjoyment

by Anne Middleton, on October 10th, 2014
camping

Bugs, dirt, no cell service... these are situations you typically attempt to circumvent as a rule in your life.

But your family and friends have persuaded you to accompany them into the wilderness for a memorable camping event, though the closest thing to “roughing it” that you have ever undertaken was a one night lodging at Four Seasons Resort during a two-hour blackout.  Some acquaintances would call this a minor inconvenience, but the lack of electricity challenged you to your wits’ end.

Yet, you reluctantly agree to join this motley group in the woodlands with immense trepidation.

Fear not! We are here to assist. Just follow these “life-saving” tips in your quest to conquer this outdoor adventure.

Location.  One of the key variables in your camping expedition will be  locating a premiere spot for peace and tranquility that’s not too far from civilization (just in case you change your mind).  A perfect asset for this task is Garmin Foretrex® 401.  A Garmin navigational tool will also come in handy if you find yourself running out of your tent slapping ferocious bugs off your body and ending up lost in the forest.  Swatting bugs from your face and physique while you are trying to sleep is disgusting. 

Here’s a tip: Those common fluffy dryer sheets can be exploited for repelling insects. When bugs begin to swarm around you, place a few dryer sheets under your bed, in the tops of your socks or pretty much anywhere you want. You’ll tolerate outdoor activities much better when the mosquitoes are not pestering you.

Packing Smart. A camping escapade is no place for your high end TUMI luggage. You will want a sturdy, yet comfortable backpack that can endure a beating.  A highly regarded source for this purchase is LuggageOnLine.com. 

And when you prepare to pack your baggage, be sure to procure some medicated powder.   Yes, Gold Bond has more than just one use! 
Here’s another camping tip: Sprinkle this miracle powder liberally across all your body parts at night before jumping into your sleeping bag.  You will be grateful to learn that this action will prevent sand or dirt from sticking to your skin. Douse your socks and boots with a generous amount of this “magic dust” to help thwart blisters or employ it to alleviate the annoying itch of bug bites.

Digestive Health and Using the “Facilities.”  If you consider yourself to be a novice camper, you will want to assure your digestive system is healthy during your time away from civilization. Often, the bathrooms on camping expeditions are unpleasant outhouses that are damp with the morning dew.  In advance of your excursion, visit the website of Nutri-Health. Formulations include digestive enzymes and pro-biotic formulas, perfect for stomach health.

Try this helpful hint: Do not panic with the concept of finding out all you have is damp toilet paper, wet from the morning dew when using the commode. Think coffee cans! Yes, a coffee can may assist your objective of keeping the precious toilet paper dry and ready for immediate consumption in any outdoor weather condition. And for additional ease, obtain a coffee can with a built-in handle for easy carrying to the campground privy.

Lions and Tigers and Bears (Prevention). If you are truly going deep into the forbidden woods, you most certainly want to circumvent coming face to face with any kind of bear, unless it is Winnie the Pooh.  The most efficient process in dealing with a bear problem is to prevent a bear problem. Bears don't just crave your picnic basket, these crafty animals are attracted to stuff like deodorant, dirty dishes or even sealed energy bars. To sidestep these unwelcome man-eating visitors, store all food and food-related items inside a closed, hard-sided vehicle (think locked SUV) or special bear-resistant container. And no hiding food under your pillow for a late night snack.  Ice chests, coolers, boxes, cans, tents and soft-sided campers are not bear-resistant! But just in case the worst occurs, it never hurts to be prepared with Bear Attack Deterrent Spray from Gander Mountain. Better to be safe than sorry as the saying goes.

Let There Be Light. Don’t rely on the expectation that there will be enough light beaming from the campfire.  After all, you will require illumination during your journey in order to fashion your hair into the perfect ponytail, or more important, locate the trail to the latrine. There are no street lights in the forest, so a lantern is a necessity. LED ones are economical, bright and easy to use. Champs Sports offers a wide range of portable camping lights to brighten your path.

So breathe in that fresh air, crack open a beer and enjoy your camping trip. Attitude is everything.

…But if things truly become intolerable, there is always GetARoom.com  which offers the lowest hotel rates on the web, even at the last minute.