MarketWatch has discovered that Texans are obsessed with Caitlyn Jenner, New Jerseyans with Snookie and Florida with Cavemen—at least when it comes to masquerading for Halloween. From chuckle-worthy to cringe-worthy, the gamut of popular Allhallows costumes is baffling. Here’s some shoes to wear with these quirky costumes.
1. California “The Pregnant Nun” –Sure, you could be discalced, but that’s no fun when trick-or-treating, and perhaps taking that tired barefoot and pregnant stereotype too far. UGG offers the Suki slippers which will cushion your feet pregnant or not.
2. Texas “Caitlyn Jenner”—Caitlyn needs grander footwear for her now feminine feet. She even has an open rivalry with Khloe in the footwear market. Caitlyn is a fan of leopard print and strappy sandals. A perfect shoe for Caitlyn doppelgangers this Halloween in Boston Proper’s Strappy Sandal.
3. Pennsylvania “Lumberjack”—Another masquerading anomaly, Pennsylvania’s would-be lumberjacks need sturdy boots. Go for Converse’s Chuck Taylor All Star Hi Rise Rubber Boot.
4. Minnesota “Gnome”—Garden variety and Tolkien-esque gnomes will find flocculent booties from UGG, but alas, no pointy hats.
5. Illinois “Slutty Pumpkin”—Someone’s enjoying their pumpkin spice latte a little too much in Illinois. The Sequin Boot by Boston Proper is sexy and flashy—perfect for making your so-so pumpkin getup a little more lascivious.
Thank you, MarketWatch, for elucidating the strange fixations of our states. Surprising, endearing, occasionally creepy, have you been investigating slutty pumpkin costumes or have your gnomic accoutrements? We won’t tell anyone. We will tell you to shop for footwear using our codes. So save!